I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
