i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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