When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
