the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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