so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we're making bets on your personal life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i now understand why vodka
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
