I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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