take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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