just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
