I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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