we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
