butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
