You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
