looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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