I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
