Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He felt like a one man threesome
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
