No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
