I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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