i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
