new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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