Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
