I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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