Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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