And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
