why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
