I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
