How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
