One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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