the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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