Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
