at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
