I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
NoShamevember. You game?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
