RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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