break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
