I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
