Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
