Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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