Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
