im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
