Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
