he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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