Pants 0. Shit 1.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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