Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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