Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
