Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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