More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
