And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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