They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
