She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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