May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
