I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
