I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
