Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
