I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
