god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
