i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
