I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
