There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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