I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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